By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
