I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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