he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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