Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
