I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
