you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
