I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
PANTIES FOUND
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
