I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
