I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
