it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
