O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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