end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
