yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
