What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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