dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just made out with a guy for $7.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
