Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
