Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
