Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
