just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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