My liver just broke up with me...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
