If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
