Im at strip club and am horny
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
