Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
