capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
