No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We have so much sex to catch up on
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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