the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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