so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
