Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
