you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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