put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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