Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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