Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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