Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
"it" just moved
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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