What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
