just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
