My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
