BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
