there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
