The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
