Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
