My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
