My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
