A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Can Purell be used as lube?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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