Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
