CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
