she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
