Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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