We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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