someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
