i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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